So, I am reading BaDoink Magazine and there is an article about a new vibrator that will be available later in the year. As you all know I am not a big fan of sex toys (so many dicks and all that) how then could a sex toy article possibly catch my eye? It’s for cats! Oh man! I devoured the article, clicked on all the links and went through the company’s website and then remembered that it was April 1st, April Fool’s Day. No matter this is the perfect time to tell you my cat masturbation story … bestiality guys over there.
Few American adults (who don’t live on a farm) have a fully intact cat or dog and by that I mean your furry friend has not been ‘fixed’. Did you know male cats have balls as big as humans? Ask yourself when was the last time you saw a cat with balls as big as yours. Yeah, like I said few Americans nowadays have been around fully intact cats and dogs.
Several years back I took my fully intact cat to see the veterinarian. It must have been an emergency because the cat was in heat and I wouldn’t have taken her to see the vet in that state. Plus the regular vet was on vacation so another vet saw my cat. I warned her that the cat was in heat. After the exam was over, she takes out a q-tip and begins to demonstrate how to masturbate my cat! Hilarity ensues.
I knock the q-tip out of her hand and grab the cat while stating in short breaths, “we.do.NOT.masturbate.my.cat”. As I am paying for the visit, the vet runs out of the exam room saying, “Ms. Cheryl, you don’t have to use a q-tip. You can use your finger.” The look on my face must have been priceless because the receptionist and one of the techs busted out laughing.
Later my regular vet called me to smooth things over. I told him at that moment I needed a LOT of distance between his junior partner and my cat.
3 things: (1) PussyMeHow was an April Fool’s Day joke, (2) before anyone gets on their soapbox and begins to preach to me that I should fix my cat, she’s 18 and has yet to have a litter. Save your preaching for cat hoarders; and, (3) no animals were harmed or masturbated – ever.