A Vibrator for Cats? aka We Do NOT Masturbate My Cat

So, I am reading BaDoink Magazine and there is an article about a new vibrator that will be available later in the year. As you all know I am not a big fan of sex toys (so many dicks and all that) how then could a sex toy article possibly catch my eye? It’s for cats! Oh man! I devoured the article, clicked on all the links and went through the company’s website and then remembered that it was April 1st, April Fool’s Day. No matter this is the perfect time to tell you my cat masturbation story … bestiality guys over there.

Few American adults (who don’t live on a farm) have a fully intact cat or dog and by that I mean your furry friend has not been ‘fixed’. Did you know male cats have balls as big as humans? Ask yourself when was the last time you saw a cat with balls as big as yours. Yeah, like I said few Americans nowadays have been around fully intact cats and dogs.

Several years back I took my fully intact cat to see the veterinarian. It must have been an emergency because the cat was in heat and I wouldn’t have taken her to see the vet in that state. Plus the regular vet was on vacation so another vet saw my cat. I warned her that the cat was in heat. After the exam was over, she takes out a q-tip and begins to demonstrate how to masturbate my cat! Hilarity ensues.

I knock the q-tip out of her hand and grab the cat while stating in short breaths, “we.do.NOT.masturbate.my.cat”. As I am paying for the visit, the vet runs out of the exam room saying, “Ms. Cheryl, you don’t have to use a q-tip. You can use your finger.” The look on my face must have been priceless because the receptionist and one of the techs busted out laughing.

Later my regular vet called me to smooth things over. I told him at that moment I needed a LOT of distance between his junior partner and my cat.

3 things: (1) PussyMeHow was an April Fool’s Day joke, (2) before anyone gets on their soapbox and begins to preach to me that I should fix my cat, she’s 18 and has yet to have a litter. Save your preaching for cat hoarders; and, (3) no animals were harmed or masturbated – ever.

Have Your Sex Toy Items Lubed and Ready

Continuing with the series, How to Have Phone Sex with a Professional Phone Sex Operator, remember to have everything set-up prior to the call. That means you are either naked or in stripper mode. Yeah, I like that visual, but I digress. Obviously it is a matter of taste for those who are into feminization or cross-dressing. Personally, I like to dress my bitches.

Generally whatever your kink you should have the lube ready and any sex toys within reach. Nothing kills a buzz quicker than someone who has to put the phone down to “find” the lube or worse attempts to multi-task while chatting with me and looking for his/her favorite buttplug. Another item that most folks forget to bring to the party are condoms. Yes, condoms! Depending on the call and the sex toy, condoms are a blessing especially when it comes to cleaning up.

Hot Phone Sex TipLadies, I have learned something quite disturbing. It seems when men are randy and need something to tickle their private parts they will use your sex toys. To remedy this I offer two suggestions: (1) lock up your sex toys and (2) buy a toy or two for your lover on condition that he doesn’t mess around with any of your sex toys.

Guys, never use your wife’s dildo or vibrator. For goodness sakes don’t stick it up your ass! I could say more on this topic but will differ to an expert. @dangerouslilly provides an excellent overview of how to clean your sex toys, which ones are safe to share and how to store them. Ladies, I am telling you, put a padlock on your shit.

Final note: with all this talk about lube and sex toys, it’s OK if you don’t have any of these things (most don’t). This is simply a reminder to those pervs who do ;-)
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You know the drill, it’s ONLY $12 BUCKS for 15-minutes. If you need more time, each additional minute is 80¢. To say the very least my prices are inexpensive and very affordable. Now you understand the name of the site, Cheap Phone Sex with Cheryl (I’m Cheryl). I also offer a cheap phone sex package deal. When you are ready, call my toll-free number, 1-888-669-6389, but whatever you do, do not call to ask me questions. Fuck that!

Do NOT Call To Ask Questions

Never call my toll-free number to ask questions. Any question you may have regarding my phone sex service has been asked and answered multiple times. If you cannot find the answer to your question in the FAQ or via the search option, then ask it here or at any of my social media profiles. Though my Twitter handle @Hushes is your best bet if you would like a quick response. Here is a rundown of questions I receive EVERY DAMN DAY. Every day multiple times a day, I am asked the following:

1. How much is the call Cheryl? It’s 80¢ per minute. There is a $12 minimum.

2. How many minutes is that Cheryl? $12 buys you 15-minutes.

3. Are the phone sex prices current? Yes.

4. Are there any connection charges or hidden fees, Cheryl? No.

5. Will you send mail to my house, Cheryl? No.

6. What does it show up as on my credit card? [Pause] The charge is discreetly billed. It may be one of 4 names. All fairly innocuous and will be revealed when you purchase a call. It would be ridiculous to place those names on this website. Then any spouse, live-in lover or thorough assistant can search it and know exactly what you have been doing. Thank me later. [End Pause]

7. Do I have a choice of phone sex girls? Yes, over there.

8. Do you do this [description of particular fetish] type of call, Cheryl? Two things, I am NEVER submissive and I never discuss blood, goats or kids. If you need to ask a follow-up question on this point, talk to my girls otherwise we’re good.

9. Are you available now? Will you be available later? What are your hours? If you are talking to me now, then obviously I am available. God willing, I will be available later, and my hours are extremely flexible. If you guys keep me busy, then I will “work” long into the night, but if you don’t keep me busy, then I will wander off and find something else to amuse myself. In other words, if you call and I am unavailable it is your fault. You failed to call sooner than the guy I am currently enjoying or I was so bored I had to find new adventures.

monkeyLike I said, it’s every fucking day! A dear friend who is renown within the service industry advised me that this is typical of any service company. New customers will have questions and I will have to answer the same questions day in and day out. Frankly, I just can’t do it anymore. As far as I am concerned there are two things you need to know – the price and the boundaries. Though I get it. Not everyone takes in information the same way BUT I will be damned if anyone is going to clog up my phone sex line with questions I have answered on the website many, many, many times. So, no, you may NOT ask me questions on my toll-free number. I am putting my foot down, drawing a line in the sand …

My toll-free number is a happy place. Where I meet new clients who are anxious to do a call with me right this minute. My happy place is when regular callers contact me to reconnect. Questions that have already been asked and answered – no bueno. Not over the phone ever again. In other words only call my toll-free number when you are ready to do a call right now.

I know what you are thinking – but Cheryl, a reputable company has to have great customer service. We do …in addition paying customers can expect quality service, honest and accurate charges, discreet billing, complete privacy. Your secrets are safe here. My ‘no questions via telephone’ stand is to address the annoying phone sex flasher issues. Flashers take up too much time, resources and put both myself and my girls in a mood that does not pair well with a sexy call. Enough!

Phone-Sex-A-Thon

A couple of times a year I host a phone-sex-a-thon which is a 24-hour, multi-day phone sex marathon. This gives new callers an opportunity to pop their phone sex cherry and regular clients a chance to call me anytime. Let’s go over the rules:

1. No questions. Things move quickly during the phone-sex-a-thon. If you have a question ask here OR message me @Hushes. The only thing you need to know is the price and how it will be billed to your credit card and I only take credit cards.

2. Have your credit card in your hand when you call. Like I said, things move quickly. I won’t have time to wait for you to grab it from downstairs or fish it out of your pocket.

3. I am NEVER submissive. If you are looking for something like that then call one of my girls.

4. Have fun! Once the business end is complete, sit back, relax and have sexy fun.

Note: If you break up my flow by asking questions, looking for your card etc. I will refer you back to Hushes.com and hang up. Never fuck around with my flow :-)

Phone Sex Tip That Will Improve Your FICO Score

Virgin callers to phone sex often hesitate when calling because they fear being scammed or are unsure about the safety of their information. Let me assure you that here at Hushes.com you will be honestly billed and your information is never shared.

When I started Cheap Phone Sex with Cheryl, the first thing I did was hire an attorney. She was very curious about the nature of the calls and the phone sex biz in general. The first question I asked my lawyer was, “Suppose the DOJ is knocking on my door demanding to see my client records. What recourse do I have?” The answer? Well, you pay her $500 an hour and find out! Let’s just say that I don’t keep records. Having the memory of an elephant helps but the main reason I don’t keep records on my clients’ calls or maintain their credit card information is that I do not want that information falling in the wrong hands. What if (knock on wood) I get hit by a bus or someone robs my home office? No, my clients’ information is far too important and frankly I couldn’t live with myself if that information was compromised because of me. So, I do not keep records. Your information is safe and I pride myself on accurate billing.

Back to the topic at hand – phone sex tip that will protect your information from nosy folks and improve your credit score.

Phone Sex Tip to boost credit score.Tip to maintain your privacy and boost your FICO score.[/caption]Get a PO Box or UPS Mailbox and have all of your mail (credit card bills) sent to the box. Junk mail is never sent to PO boxes. So, you will never get another piece of junk mail. Plus if you are just out of school or haven’t really settled in an area (purchased a home etc.) a box provides stability. With it you won’t have to change your address every time you move which means your address remains the same – a positive factor in your credit score. In addition to avoiding junk mail and getting a little boost in your FICO score you have peace of mind because you no longer have to provide your physical address to companies who need your billing address in order to process your credit card e.g., mail/phone order companies which ALL phone sex companies are. Not to mention having a mailbox stumps anyone wanting to do a background check on you. Those DIY companies tend to pull your phone and address information from the credit report.

To be truly anonymous on the internet and in your dealings with retailers, you need a box. Not that kind (pervs) but the US Mail kind.
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Whenever you are looking for quality, affordable phone sex, consider me, Cheryl. The price is always 80¢ per minute. Call my toll-free number, 1-888-669-6389. There is also an option to purchase multiple calls at one time. Check out my cheap phone sex package.