Porn Is Not Real

Vanity Fair’s Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse” was for me deeply disturbing. The focus was Millennials within the New York City area. I was amazed that so many of these young women admitted to making contact with a guy on Tinder and fucking him porn-style within moments of meeting. Nancy Jo Sales wrote:

“Like porn sex,” says Jessica, “those women—that’s not, like, enjoyable, like having their hair pulled or being choked or slammed. I mean, whatever you’re into, but men just think”—bro voice—“ ‘I’m gonna fuck her,’ and sometimes that’s not great.” “Yeah,” Danielle agrees. “Like last night I was having sex with this guy, and I’m a very submissive person—like, not aggressive at all—and this boy that came over last night, he was hurting me.”

Not the first time I have heard this. Several guys have shared with me a sex experience with their lover that went pear-shaped. Why did it go wrong? The majority of the time he was trying to put a ‘porn move’ on his girl. Take for example the Josh Duggar story. No, not the child molestation situation that involved his sisters. No, not his two Ashley Madison accounts. I am referring to the latest scandal when the now disgraced Duggar met with adult film model and stripper, Danica Dillon. He paid Danica $600 in private dances and then later paid for more “time”. He stiffed her on the first donation, but then met for another sexual encounter in a different city when he gifted her $1500. Danica stated: “He was manhandling me, basically tossing me around like I was a rag doll. It was very traumatic. I’ve had rough sex before, but this was terrifying.” When Ms. Dillon complained, Duggar explained his actions by saying he thought she liked it because she did it in the porn videos he enjoyed watching.

PornFake01What we are witnessing is a generation of adults who were never privy to any sort of substantial sex education and yet grew up around a proliferation of porn – free porn. Porn has become a defacto sex ed class for most. So this abstinence only nonsense has been usurped by PornHub. And let me tell you something – tube sites are for entertainment purposes not to teach you how to have sex with your lover or hook-up.

Here are 3 examples of things guys see in porn and think is real:

Spitting – I am getting a little nauseous just thinking about this. Spitting is not sexy. No, you do not spit on your cock to make it wet or worse spit anywhere near your lover’s vagina. Pussies are naturally wet. The only time it gets a little dry is if there is something off-balance or your lover is going through menopause. Is your girl going through menopause? If she is, get some lube or coconut oil. Do not spit on her! Spitting is nasty.

Ass to Mouth – No! Once the dick touches the ass it does not go in the mouth. Stop asking. That is unsanitary and nasty.

Dildos – You do not put your wife’s dildo in your ass especially without telling her. My goodness! She re-washes the dishes after you wash them. What on Earth makes you think you can clean a dildo well enough to re-enter her pussy? Plus it’s nasty.

Ladies, if you have a dildo at home and a man, get rid of that dildo. He’ll never admit it but he has done terrible things with it. Buy yourself a new dildo, something safe, and put it in a locked box. Trust me on this. Later we’ll talk about the weird stains on your panties and hosiery. #SexTips

I know what you’re thinking, “ …but but they do it in porn.” Those girls get paid too. Tell me do you pay your lover for each “scene”. Look I am the last person to yuck on someone’s yum, but if you are getting your jollies off of this stuff because you saw it on a porn video, do yourself a favor and find your own yum. If your yum is spitting on a dildo, sticking up your wife’s ass and watching her lick it …and that’s her thing too, well god bless, don’t lose that bitch. She’s one in a million.

Say it with me, “Porn is not real.” Repeat it over and over again. Still confused? Call me or one of my girls. We will drill in this one sex factoid – porn is not real.
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For the record phone sex is not porn – indecent speech perhaps but not porn. Thank you First Amendment! Never fake. 100% real. As always to chat with me, call 1-888-669-6389. Callers may also purchase a phone sex package which is so much easier to explain than a series of small charges (hint hint). That’s my phone. Talk to you soon!

4 Valid Excuses Your Name Is in the Ashley Madison Data Dump

A Canadian dating site played a game of chicken with hackers and now there is roadkill all over the internet highway. Last month the hacker group, The Impact Team, announced that they had hacked the site, Ashley Madison. If you recall Ashley Madison is a hook-up site with a twist – the “members” are married. The Impact Team stated they would share ALL the personal information if the site did not shut down immediately. Two days ago TIT made good on their promise. The fallout has been delicious.

My girlfriends who are all tech savvy have had many hen parties with a singular goal – to find out if their husbands/lovers are on the list. I have not personally gone through the information (It’s 10G!) but I know many women who have put together “study groups” to go over every name, address, credit card, etc. Like I said delicious.

Given the type of work that has gone into ferreting out the cheaters I almost feel sorry for any guy caught in the headlights. So, I’ll help you out by offering 4 valid excuses uh …reasons your information is in the data dump. Well, 4 excuses and the truth. Ready?

Research
I read that a Gawker reporter’s name was in the data dump. Not surprised. Dating sites provide journalists, webmasters and others a free account to poke around to see how the site works. In the early days I was given a peek inside and marketed the site for less than a month (didn’t feel right). The idea of passing out free accounts is to get the media talking, webmasters to advertise and vendors to look for ways to improve either the interface or overall experience. I suppose if you are a reporter or work for a company where having an account makes sense for back office purposes that could be a good excuse. Plus any one in a discipline type of role: human resources, law enforcement, managing partner, etc.

Friend Used the Card
Ok, this is a dirty little secret that I didn’t figure out until later but guys use one another’s credit cards to purchase adult services. Of course that’s a no-no at Cheap Phone Sex which will get you banned, but it does happen and here’s why. Guys particularly married men spend a great deal of time trying to hide their extra-curricular purchases which run the gamut from sports tickets to gambling chips to porn. They usually have their single friend or family member cover for the purchases. If the wife finds an odd item on the bill the response is, “Oh, Tom asked if I could spot him. He doesn’t want his wife to find out.” In some instances there is a communal card which if you think about it isn’t that unusual. For example grocery club cards. The purpose of the card is to provide to you special offers or discounts AND give the marketing company some insight into how you shop. Well, to confuse the tracking, many women exchange cards. Guys do the same thing with website credits etc.

Curiosity
Being curious isn’t a punishable offense is it? Probably one of the best excuses I have seen yet. The guy says, “I heard about and decided to check it out. Oh not for myself! I wanted to see if anyone we knew was on it.” Then go in for the kill and rat out everyone you know on the site. Your lover will be so distracted by the juicy bits of new information that she will scurry away to text her nearest and dearest the latest scoop. It’s basic law of the jungle: when running away from a tiger trip the other guy. Win win bitches!

Goofing Around
Another good excuse is, “The guys and I were drinking and set up this profile up as a joke.” The account is active. “Jimmy uses it. He and his wife are having problems.” It’s your credit card. “Really? Honey, you know I never look at the bills. They probably tricked me. You know those porn companies have shady practices.”

9 times out of 10 your lover will believe you because …wait for it …she wants to, but my bonus reason is the best one yet – tell the truth.

AllHaveSecretsThe Truth
When caught in something like this honesty is truly the best policy. Most women want to know when, who, what, where and why. She will want to know when it started. Don’t lie because credit card statements go back at least 8 years. She will want to know who did you meet. Tell her “your friend’s” name, what she looks like, where she works, her family situation including children etc. Then your lover (and this part is tricky because every woman is different) will want to know what you did. Tell her. Tell her you met for drinks and you couldn’t go through with it and left. Or tell her you met for coffee and went back to your new friend’s place. Tell her if you were careful and practiced safe sex. Tell her everything she needs to know because if you hold back anything it will come back to haunt you.

What most guys never get is that the longer it takes you to come clean the less likely you are ever going to get back to a workable routine. Believe me at some point it will ALL come out and the longer it takes the more fucked you are. Tip: You might want to practice your confession with a shrink or really good friend or phone sex expert 😉

Ladies, if you do get a call or someone attempts to embarrass you in public with information about your lover’s Ashley Madison account, just smile and say, “I know we created the account together. We’re freaky like that.” Later behind closed doors you can lay into him.
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To chat with me, Cheryl, call 1-888-669-6389. The price is $12 for 15-minutes. Regular callers may purchase a package. To chat with my girls, click this link. Questions??? DO NOT call, ask here.

Ask for a 1-Minute Warning Before the Phone Sex Call Ends

Last month I gave you a quick run down as to how to have phone sex with a professional phone sex operator. After going over the difference between a hold versus charge, I provided a tip most guys are a little embarrassed to request – the phone sex special. Well, here is one final tip (at least for now) that should make your phone sex call enjoyable and that is to request a 1-minute warning.

Once I learned how to tell time as a student I would sit at my desk waiting for the big hand to move to my freedom – lunch, recess or the final bell signaling it was time to go home. As an adult I was still a slave to the big hand. Only there weren’t any bells but lunch was still a thing and of course the sweet relief known as the end of the workday. We all know that time seems to move at a snail’s pace when you’re bored or distracted. Though when you are having fun, time flies especially on a phone sex call. Which is why you should always request a 1-min warning.

maxresdefaultWhen your time is up the system usually cuts you off and depending on the set-up should you choose to reconnect you have a couple of ways to do that. Either you call back or if the system is automated you are held in a queue with an option to add more time. At Cheap Phone Sex, I give you a 1-minute warning and when your time is up the system disconnects the call.

Summarize: A 1-minute warning allows the client to finish up his call without an abrupt end to an otherwise stimulating conversation.
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To chat with me and only me, my phone sex rates are $12 for 15-minutes. The number to call is 1-888-669-6389. I accept Visa, Mastercard, Discover and American Express including debit/gift cards with the aforementioned logos. You must be 23+ to call. Ask your questions here. Oh, and to chat with my girls, take your ass over there.

Fuck – Marry – Baby Daddy

Fuck – Marry – Baby Daddy is a spin on the game Fuck – Marry – Kill. For those unfamiliar allow me to explain, in Fuck – Marry – Kill, you name 3 people that everyone knows and ask each player, “Who would you fuck, who would you marry and who would you kill?” Match each name to the act. No repeats. Get it? Let’s try one:

PresidentsFMBD

That’s President Obama, President Ulysses S. Grant and President Andrew Jackson. For me this is an easy one. I would totally fuck Grant as he was a little wild. I would marry the POTUS because he has demonstrated through his long marriage to the First Lady that he is the “marrying kind” and I would kill Andrew Jackson (as if). Jackson lived through a number of wars with Native Americans and survived two assassination attempts. The only thing that could kill him was old age. Yeah, I pussied out of that one and you will see why in a moment.

Personally I never liked the “kill” part of Fuck – Marry – Kill. I do not like the idea of thinking about let alone discussing (even in jest) killing another person. That’s why I believe the game is heavily focused on male participants. Not that women don’t kill. If you think about it the point of the game is to be a little raunchy and open up about the thing we don’t normally talk about – sex. As women are concerned the one thing we consider far more than men is children. Whether to have them or not, when and the question on the minds of every woman is who will be the father of our children. Which is why Fuck – Marry – Baby Daddy is a little more twisted.

A decade ago the idea of having children with someone other than your partner was still taboo. In 2015 with in vitro fertilization, donor eggs and sperm donors, adoptions, surrogates, blended families …whew! Just about anything is possible. So, why not? Before we begin let’s pin down the definition of a baby daddy. It varies. I consider a “baby daddy” a man who at one point was involved with the hottie “baby momma” but she has moved on and he has NO CHANCE of ever rekindling that relationship again. Like how a colored that definition in a woman-positive way? Hey, it’s my blog and I can do that 😉 Ok, let’s play Fuck – Marry – Baby Daddy. Here’s a practice one …

SampleMFBD

We have President Obama, Donald Trump and Spock. Originally I had the actual Dr. Benjamin Spock, world renowned pediatrician, but every Trekkie fan and human with a penis assumed Spock was well Spock. So, what the hell.

This is easy. I would marry POTUS as indicated above, fuck Donald Trump because rich guys give their lovers great gifts plus I could write a book about our affair which he would pay me not to publish (win, win, win) and I would have Spock as my baby daddy because I would never have to worry about my kid when s/he visited his/her father. Get it? Here’s one more to try [insert evil laugh].

ExLoversFMBD

Keep in mind when you play this game more than likely you will be playing with friends who know you. So, answer the question! Of the three who would you fuck, who would you marry and who would be your baby daddy/momma: your current lover (or crush), your former lover (or ex-wife) and your first love (or ‘the one that got away’). The answers are sometimes very surprising. This is about the time when most guys ask if we could switch back Fuck – Marry – Kill. Oops!
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Hey, I love playing games. Mindfucking fucking is my specialty. Just call 1-888-669-6389 for a 15-minute phone session with me, Cheryl. The price is always $12 for 15-mins. Must be 23+ to participate. Regular clients my purchase a Cheap Phone Sex Package.

A Word about Female Domination Phone Sex Calls

Have you ever had one of those moments where you just snap? Yesterday a guy called me and asked to do a domination call. I went over several questions such as whether he had any ‘real life’ experience. Most guys may love the idea but never have had an opportunity to play because his significant other was not into it or some other roadblock outside of his control. The guy told me that he had plenty of experience because on occasion his wife indulged him. I perked up and said that was very cool because it’s quite rare that one could enjoy some martial kink in the bedroom. Then he told that his wife didn’t enjoy it, but she did it to please him. Shut the front door!

I know what most of you got from that exchange was poor John (the names have been changed to protect the perverted) has to jump over hoops to get his wife to do domme things to him. No! Flip the script. It’s poor wifey! Look if you fap to the idea of a beautiful, aggressive woman seducing you, taking control and doing obscene things to your private parts, you are in good company. Lots of guys have domination dreams and most hope their wives or lovers will join in that particular role-play fantasy. However, if she isn’t into, let it go and find another avenue like phone sex. I say find another means because in the circumstance I referenced above what my caller and his wife were doing was anything but domination. You can’t force a woman to be a dominatrix. Sure you can dress her up, give her a few sex toys and tell her what to do with those sex toys, but that isn’t domination. Not by a very long shot.

Domination is between consenting adults who have a genuine shared interest and want to explore the lifestyle. If your lover is not interested, don’t push it. Find a kinky phone sex femdom and explore your perversion through that avenue. Male subs in need of training start here.
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When I started this phone sex blog, Cheap Phone Sex with Cheryl, I promised to always publish the price on every damn post. So, here goes: the price of a call with me, Cheryl, is $12 for 15-minutes. To call my toll-free number, 1-888-669-6389, you must be at least 23 years old. Regular clients may purchase any of my phone sex packages. For goodness sakes, do not call me to ask questions! Ask them here.