Cheap Phone Sex with Cheryl isn’t just a name for my phone sex blog. It is a mantra of sorts. As anyone who has followed this blog or talked with me for a few minutes knows I am frugal. Take for example last month. I was standing in the supermarket aisle comparing the prices of mayonnaise. You see I was jonesing for the perfect ham and cheese sandwich and needed mayo to complete it. I know what you’re thinking: “Cheryl you make your own ketchup and mustard. Why not mayo?” Well, you see, homemade mayonnaise has a short shelf-life and as I live alone cannot see the wisdom in making a batch that will more than likely need to be tossed in a few days especially when you take into account the fact store-bought mayonnaise lasts forever. Did you know that in most cases you don’t need to refrigerate mayo?
One weekend I left a bottle of mayonnaise out on the counter. When I got back Sunday night I called my parents to ask them what they thought – can I eat it? They said if it doesn’t smell funny try it and if something does happen I can die knowing they will be well taken care of. Really? Life insurance jokes! The next morning I called the manufacturer and the customer service representative was shocked to read in the little manual that YOU DO NOT HAVE TO REFRIGERATE a bottle of mayo after it has been open. What?! I asked a couple of friends who own restaurants and they told me they leave the mayonnaise out and never put it in the fridge. As it turns out the preservatives used to manufacture commercial mayonnaise not only extends the shelf-life but makes refrigeration optional. So I made a sandwich 😉
You have probably heard of people of getting food poisoning on picnics and camping trips and most of the time it was due to the mayonnaise in the food. Wrong! I will let the folks at Web MD explain that one.
Back to the supermarket …so I am in the mayonnaise aisle looking for something on sale and the only thing on sale is this weird reduced-fat canola oil thingy …and I am actually considering buying it! That’s when I said, “Fuck it.” I am buying this gigantic jar of Hellmann’s Mayonnaise. I have never seen it on sale, but damn it, I want the perfect ham and cheese sandwich and I am going to break my frugal habit and buy this glorious jar of Hellman’s. And it was glorious.
I made my perfect sandwich which was so good I spent the week creating dishes so that I could use the rest of the mayonnaise. I made tuna salad, egg salad, deviled eggs, coated my chicken breasts with mayo and Parmesan cheese, created several dips and sauces including a kick-ass tartar sauce, and baked an incredibly moist chocolate cake. Then I got to thinking …I haven’t made potato salad in ages. I called my dad and asked him for the recipe then we discussed whether to peel before or after boiling. I decided to not peel at all. Fuck it.
Potato Salad with Egg Recipe
Ingredients: 6 potatoes, 4 eggs, 1 onion and a little sweet relish, mustard, sugar, salt, pepper and turmeric. Optional: chopped parsley.
If you are making the salad for just yourself use 2 potatoes and 2 eggs. Believe me, you will want leftovers.
Step 1: Run some cool water over the potatoes to remove any excess soil or dirt.
Step 2: Place the potatoes in a large pot and fill with cold water until the water is about an inch above the potatoes.
Step 3: Salt the water. I salt right over the potatoes because I want them salty and not so much the water.
Step 4: Place the eggs in the same pot. Seriously, who wants to clean two pots?
Step 5: Place the lid on the pot and cook on medium for at least 45 mins.
After 45 minutes test the potatoes with a fork. When you can pierce one of the potatoes with a fork, then
Step 6: Cube the potatoes and place in a bowl.
Step 7: Sprinkle a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar over the potatoes. White vinegar is ok. Though ACV really brings out the flavor.
Step 8: Stir the potatoes a little.
Now would be a good time to empty the water in the pot and run cold water over the eggs.
Step 9: Chop up one onion and add to the bowl of potatoes.
Step 10: Add to the bowl salt, pepper, turmeric, a dash of mustard and sweet relish.
Step 11: Peel and chop the eggs then add to the bowl. Stir.
Step 12: Add just enough mayonnaise to “wet” the salad.
Step 13: Place in the refrigerator for at least an hour to allow the flavors to mix.
Homemade potato salad is much like spaghetti or lasagna in that it tastes better the next day. Though I can barely wait an hour and it’s usually gone before the next day. This potato salad is going to look very yellow and most people think the salad is in the German style. A traditional German potato salad uses a mustard-based dressing instead of mayo. While I do add a little mustard the coloring is due to the turmeric. Turmeric pops the colors in yellows and oranges.
A friend pointed out another great thing about this recipe: you can use the same steps to make tuna and egg salad. However, I don’t put mustard in my tuna salad. To make a tuna salad, substitute the potatoes for cans of tuna. I use one hard-boiled egg for each can of tuna. To make an egg salad, skip the potatoes entirely. I bet there are other mayo-based salads you can make. Just have fun figuring your own flavor profile and eat up!
In case I didn’t connect the dots – the food tastes but only with the right mayo – Hellmann’s Mayonnaise.
One last thing I like to add a teaspoon of Gold’s Horseradish and Beets. Beets are supposed to improve blood flow. The first time I added Gold’s Horseradish and Beets to my tuna salad. The veins in my hands were highly noticeable (bulging with a pronounced blue coloring) and the hands themselves were slightly cool to the touch which is unusual as I am a hot body in my ways than one 😉 A couple of hours later my hands were hot to the touch. Not sure what happened exactly but what a ride!
It’s time to talk about my favorite subject – me! Yeah, I know what you are thinking, “Cheryl, haven’t we been talking about you the whole time? Matter of fact isn’t this damn phone sex blog about you and only you?” Yes and no. To chat with me, call 1-888-669-6389. Now I will give you one guess as to why this blog is called, Cheap Phone Sex with Cheryl. No, it’s not because I wait for mayonnaise to go on sale. It is due to my prices! The cost of a phone sex session is $12 for 15-minutes. Regular clients may purchase a package. To chat with my girls click here and guys looking for a new mistress must first take a test. Oh yeah, and never call any of my numbers to ask questions. Ask your phone sex questions here.