Earlier this week while in the middle of taking calls I receive the following call from my phone sex line:
Cheap Phone Sex with Cheryl: Hello?
Woman (Long Island, NY) accent: Yes, I have blah blah blah blah
Cheap Phone Sex with Cheryl: Who is calling?
Woman: Fran L.
Cheap Phone Sex with Cheryl: Well, Ms. L, you have the wrong number …
Woman: No I don’t! Let me talk to the boss!
Cheap Phone Sex with Cheryl: I am the “boss” and you have the wrong number.
Woman: I do not! This number was on the package.
Cheap Phone Sex with Cheryl: What type of business do you think you are calling?
Woman: A computer company.
Cheap Phone Sex with Cheryl: Well, it is not. You have the wrong number.
Woman: Inaudible scream. I’m sick of this. You ARE a computer company and I have a problem with …
Cheap Phone Sex with Cheryl: Look this is a phone sex service. You have the wrong number. Google it …
Woman: I don’t have Google! Inaudible scream.
Have you ever dated a woman who let’s say the two of you are going to the movies and she asks for popcorn with plenty of butter when you return there is only a little butter and then without warning, she starts crying? Not a womanly cry but a baby cry. Waaaah! Waaaah! Waaaah! This is how Long Island Fran sounded.
Or better. Have you ever been to a supermarket and some kid pitches a fit because mommie won’t buy him something or another? The kid screams and hollers and then dives into the floor on his back continuing the performance. The scream sounds different from the floor, doesn’t it?
Mix the floor scream with the baby cry and BAM! You have Long Island Fran.
And then my friends I snapped.
Cheap Phone Sex with the Pimptress: Are you screaming in my phone? In my ear? Look this is my house. No one – no one – calls me on my phone screaming like a little a baby. I told you, bitch. You have the wrong fucking number. Do I have to draw you a picture? This is not a motherfucking computer company. I don’t care what number is on the damn package. This is a phone sex company. We provide services, not products. We deal with horny men who just want some loving. And you are not loving. So unless you want me to trick you out, unless you want me to whore you out and make some serious coin on “Long Island Fran”, you will check the number again, carefully dial the correct number and have your hissy fit with the correct people. BUT if you call this number again Fran, I’m going to take this tape and put it on my FUCKING WHORE SITE. Then all your friends will know you by not your porn name but your whore name – Long Island Fran.
I then hung up the phone. I don’t think she’s going to call again. I was polite in the beginning but that awful Yankee accent (cute on a guy, annoying with women) and that scream. Have you ever met a woman who whines and cries for no reason? I wanted to discipline her. I got a trick or two that would make her scream.
Usually, I am very cordial. But that noise did something to me. My pimp side surfaced. I wanted to whore her out. Suddenly I could see myself throwing a party, having a few guys over with one thing in mind – turn this soccer mom into a dirty cock-sucking, cum-lapping whore.
Cheryl – The Pimptress is born!
On second thought I will stick with my regular gig: Cheryl – Cheap Phone Sex Hottie.
Well, I am officially distracted, and half the day is gone. Before I go I want to talk very briefly about a call I received earlier. The caller attempted to use a fraudulent card. Don’t ask how I know – I know.
Please do not call here attempting to use someone else’s credit card. Unlike Long Island Fran – I am not an idiot. When I catch you (Notice how I say “when” and not “if”?) I report ALL fraudulent cards to the issuing bank. For example, in this case, I contacted the security department at Discover, gave them all the information including an audio file of the conversation (Remember I tape the part of the call where you supply your credit card information.), they, in turn, put an alert on the card. Now the true cardholder has to call in before the card can be used again.
Imagine N-‘s uncle calling in and hearing his 41-year-old nephew say “Can I get naked now?” or “I like to masturbate.” N-, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, using a 74-year old man’s credit card without permission. You are banned here. You are banned from using any of my services or phone sex sites. If I catch you calling I will post your tape alongside Long Island Fran’s and together you can be the poster children from “Why Men Cheat” and “You Are a Fucking Asshole” respectively.
Bitchy Cheryl is in full force. It takes a lot for me to discipline people outside the world of fantasy. This is why I have a fairly easy-going life. I like to surround myself around positive energy (sexual energy is the most powerful) and think happy thoughts. Speaking of which, how about throwing some sexual energy over here and helping me with Mr. Happy …uh happy thoughts.