The week before last was “Protect Yourself from Pornography Week”. I am just a little curious. How did you celebrate the week? Did you abstain from sex? Originally the White House supposedly toyed with the idea of Porn Awareness Week. That sort of made me giggle because it sort of defeats the purpose. Well, when I first found out about this Pornography week thing I was hot – and the I’m so fine look at me sort of hot – but mad. I thought it was going to be a sort of Porn Prohibition or something. Not.
The President opened the week discussing illegal porn. We all agree that illegal porn is bad, right? Illegal porn is porn that is not protected under the law. Legally it is obscene. There is a grey area of what is obscene which should keep some first amendment lawyers in Bentleys and beach houses for a few more decades. The President discussed the obvious illegal stuff – child porn and bestiality (sex with animals).
I do wish people would stop calling illegal porn – porn. It confuses the bible thumpers and the morality police. So, I’ll type s l o w e r for them. Illegal porn is not porn. Illegal porn is an obscenity. Obscenities are NOT protected under the law. When thinking of obscenities think blood, goats, and kids. Say it with me: blood, goats, and kids.
If there is any blood (there are no virgins in porn) or if a person looks like they are no enjoying the sexual act, it may be obscene. If the sexual act involves an animal it is obscene. If the sexual act involves a child it is obscene. It’s that simple really.
However, there are some grey areas like fisting. To fist or not to fist? My take on fisting is that if it is ok for a woman to stuff a coke can in her cunt then she should be able to have a hand in her orifice too especially if it is her own hand. A hand seems far less intrusive than say a foot or two huge cocks. Another grey area is bukkake. Bukkake which is very popular in Asia happens when a group of guys usually 20-40 all jack off and spread their jizz all over a one (lucky?) woman. I must admit that is a bit strange and probably obscene for American standards unless of course, you’re a woman who loves cum or a guy who likes to see his cum on another person.
Other grey areas are gays and transsexuals. Can you believe that? A whole population may be considered obscene. I have seen interracial sex – it’s probably just penis envy if you ask me. And let’s see gays are bad but lesbians are ok – again whoever came up with that standard probably had fantasies about a threesome involving him or herself and two women.
So as near as I can figure it whoever helped to create the standards for the grey areas we have today could probably only comprehend the cock-pussy combination, did not want to be overshadowed in girth or length by something the size of a fist or the mythical big black cock and did not want to share his mate in a bukkake like setting. WHATEVER.
Some people need to get over themselves. I don’t know about you but I came to this planet through the miracle of fucking. So it can’t be that bad. We can all agree on what the obscenities are. I say just leave my porn alone. Am I right?
Now as to this issue that porn destroys families, etc. etc. blah blah blah. My granddaddy told me a long time ago that “nobody does to you what you yourself do not allow them to do”. In other words you are responsible for your own actions. Porn doesn’t destroy families. A weak mind, lack of communication and a feeling of being unconnected to the same folks who are supposed to love and support you through the good times and bad that destroys relationships.
So don’t lay it all at my feet. Believe me, if I had that much power – to destroy families, unravel the moral fabric of America and begin Armageddon early – I would be Empress of the Universe. Spandex would be banned, all women with facial hair would be forced into electrolysis and people who wear socks with sandals would be forced to walk barefoot all year long. But I’m not a destroyer, I’m a builder.
On the off chance that I am wrong and the morality police are right – that I yield all of this power – listen to me closely. Concentrate on my voice. Porn is good. Porn is good for my libido. The best porn is phone sex. I must have phone sex with Cheryl. I NEED to call Cheryl!
Now pick up your telephone and call me at 1-888-669-6389.