Yes, angry masturbators can be a handful, however, there is another group that is equally frustrating and that’s the first time caller who wants to do the call now. Right now! He doesn’t have time to give his credit card information. He didn’t plan for that. He’ll pay you after. Whoa! Stop right there, buddy. Not going to happen. Phone sex is a ‘pay me upfront or get the fuck out of here’ business.
Look I get it. You are horny so you decide to call my phone sex service. You hear my voice and begin to lose control of that edging you were doing moments earlier. Add the fact that you are looking for your credit card (I warned you to be prepared!) and listening for your wife’s car, yeah it can be pretty exciting …did I mention my voice when I say your name? It takes 90 seconds to process your credit card. Plan for it.
Credit Card Data
I have two things to say about the information recorded when taking your credit card data. First, this is a reputable business and as such follows the guidelines set down by Visa and Mastercard and the United States government when taking sales information for an adult entertainment purchase. In other words anonymity is not an option. Your gift card hides your perverted activities from your lover, not me. Remember who is providing the service. I already know you are a pervert! So, in addition to your credit card number, expiration date and 3 digits on the back, I will need your name and billing address. Do NOT tell me that some shady phone sex company only takes your card information. Do me a favor. Go down to your accounting department and ask them when is it OK for a credit card purchaser to just give their card information and nothing else. Ask them when was the last time a dude came into the store, handed the cashier his card with the name scraped off and your firm processed the card. I would love to hear that story which by the way never happened in any store – ever.
Just because we talk about pussy doesn’t mean that this phone sex service is any less of a business than McDonald’s or Zappos or Amazon. The very idea that first time callers want to demand I change my policies is laughable.
Take for example last December, one of my girls was sick and I was dispatching calls in the wee hours of the morning when a guy calls wanting to use a gift card to purchase a phone sex session. He doesn’t want to give his name or address. At which point I usually thank the guy for calling and advise him to call a different phone sex service. Well on that day I was not in the mood. So, I asked him, why not? He said he wanted to remain anonymous. I explained to him that he called a toll-free number and what that means. It means even if he blocked his number I would see it because I pay the telephone bill. To demonstrate I plugged his number into the database and proceeded to tell him what it spits out namely his name, address, the name of his wife, mother, father, one of his siblings and where he worked. Welcome to the 21st century! He purchased a 30-minute call. Here’s another example:
Last night a guy called. He wanted to use his debit card to purchase a phone sex call only he didn’t want to share his name or billing address either. He told me that the ‘other’ phone sex companies do it this way and so should I. Personally I love it when occasional callers tell me about the inner workings of the business I have perfected over the last decade. Then this would-be caller began to scold me. He said if I wanted his business I would have to do things his way. Apparently, he had not read the part where it clearly says I am no one’s bitch. So, I gave him a lesson on why shady companies do that and as a consumer, he should be concerned about any company that only wants his credit card digits and no address verification. It’s a bad business. Not processing the address costs a company anywhere from 7-50¢ per transaction depending on the contract. That’s a lot of money left on the table. But hey if you want to give your credit card information to a fly-by-night sole proprietorship with questionable billing practices good luck with that. Then I told him to fuck off …and never call any of my phone sex services again. That’s when he begged me to give him a second chance which I gave him.
To summarize: First-time callers plan for the time it takes to process your credit card information and remember that your phone sex habits may be a secret to your bitch never this bitch. I have The Man i.e., Visa, Mastercard and the Feds on my ass. Therefore, I dot every ‘i’ and cross every ‘t.’ In other words, I use best practices when processing credit cards in 90 seconds or less. Follow my payment policy or move the fuck on. That’s the only choice you have on this topic – the ONLY choice.
Some guys are a little confused. This is Cheap Phone Sex with Cheryl. Not Cheryl and friends. My toll-free number is for guys who want to talk to me. If you want to chat with someone other than yours truly, then take your ass here. If you want to chat with me, call 1-888-669-6389. The price to talk to me is 80¢ per minute. Regular callers may also purchase a package.